It has been a whole year and a half since we all were quarantined to our various homes. I can hardly believe it. The past fourteen months has taught me so much, and while we are still not completely cleared to resume our lives as we once did, I can honestly say this experience has left me and my marriage with some valuable tools.
There were many uncomfortable conversations, situations, and circumstances, but determined to arise better together, my husband and I endured and can honestly say are prepared to handle another pandemic (of course ONLY IF NECESSARY).
Here are 5 tools to strengthen and grow your marriage under any circumstance.
- Learn how to communicate: Everyone communicates differently and as a wife you MUST know how to effectively communicate with your husband THE WAY HE COMMUNICATES. “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw. I thought I was a great communicator until I got married and realized we do not always communicate the same way. Taking the time to step back and observe what makes my husband open up and share the depths of his soul has been incredible. While we are not yet masters at always knowing how and when to share, simply knowing, respecting, and taking the time to learn those differences make for a sweeter exchange. This pandemic provided us with LOTS of time together to observe and learn each other’s communication styles and I am truly grateful for it.
- Take time for yourself: As an introvert, alone time is how I recharge. I need it to clear my mind of the many thoughts fighting for my attention, to speak to God, and to be creative. Without it I am anxious and cranky and not the best person to be quarantined with. While finding time to be alone was a challenge this past year, I managed to effectively share this need with my husband and create pockets of time when I can refuel. Alone time is not a bad thing. It is in fact an aspect of our daily lives that has been stolen with the sometimes-false sense of togetherness social media gives us. Taking some time to just be alone with our thoughts allows us to recapture our imagination and release some of the stress we have accumulated. If you are feeling like the walls are closing in on you, simply take a moment to gather yourself. You will be happy you did.
- Learn to create boundaries in your marriage: Honestly, you need boundaries in your life PERIOD. Boundaries help you in controlling the only person you have control over, yourself. Additionally, boundaries say, “Honey, I respect and love you so much that I want to know how to best love you, which includes respecting your boundaries.” In a nutshell setting and respecting boundaries in marriage says, “How can I BEST care for you?” SHEESH… That makes me emotional just thinking about it. For deeper insight on setting boundaries in marriage check out the book Boundaries in Marriage (my current read). You will NOT regret it.
- Make prayer your default: Let me tell you something, if you think you can have a successful marriage without counsel from the one who established marriage, you are delusional. There is no way two lives can come together without the divine insight, power, strength, and patience of God. NO WAY! Aside from receiving direction and guidance from God, prayer keeps you humble and, in many cases, shines the light on where YOU are falling short. At the beginning of the pandemic the Lord led me to start a weekly prayer call for women on Friday mornings (CLICK HERE TO JOIN US). I had NO CLUE my husband would become the sickest he has ever been in his life when I started but God knew I would need the prayer and fellowship to bring me through. My prayer life has deepened so much since being married and especially since the pandemic and I am a better woman for it.
- Find new ways to have fun: Listen, life has been TOUGH lately. Mental health issues are at an all-time high, the government looked like it was going to be overthrown for a second, and black people are STILL being murdered left and right. Being intentional about having fun is essential for caring for your mental health as well as the mental health of your spouse. During the pandemic, we have attended Zoom birthdays, graduations, and family gatherings. We rediscovered our inner child at the park, through coloring books, played our Wii and watched more movies and series than maybe we should have. But we did (and still do) these things to help us remain positive, happy, and excited about our marriage. Your spouse is the person who will be there when the kids grow up and leave, and when your family and friends don’t have time. Be intentional about making your time with them fun, loving and exciting!
I pray that these tips have encouraged and inspired you to endure and enjoy your marriage no matter what life throws at you. As my favorite quote of all time says, “When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world guessing how you made it.”
