[Originally written November 14, 2016]
Black man, driven for the cause of our people.
You are rare and splendid.
You are majestic and amazing.
You stop me dead in my tracks.
Our plight has been a long one to say the least
So your emergence is as a rose growing from concrete.
You move me. You move Us.
You move in a way that moves the world.
You touch the surface and soul.
You speak from a position of dominion.
You planted a seed incapable of elimination.
You possessed it all
And yet God said it wasn’t good for you to be alone.
You stood in amazement and named me, for I was flesh of your flesh.
A moment we are now far from.
We ruled in kingdoms and fought in battles
Made music and art
Told stories and honored traditions
We were chained together for the journey
Another moment we are now far from.
We were loyal, possessed pride
You were my king I could confide
I was your Queen you labored to bride
But now you won’t even look at me.
A place of perpetual pain.
You reject the fruit of my womb.
Fruit from a seed you planted.
Fruit from a seed I love and long for.
The same flesh and bones you viewed as yours you now leave for the dogs as scraps.
Devouring only the meat you resist my skin.
But I look like you.
The hair we wear you complain is deceiving yet you resist the journey naturally.
My heart breaks for every day I am praised
For independent accomplishments
For there’s another day that makes another year I spend as single
Raised and ridiculed for not needing you
When honestly I really need you
I am spent and spoiled from something new
I am a creature of habit and you were there from the beginning.
A memory that won’t break.
I get you, deeper than I can explain
You are the salve that eases my pain
Yet you left me unended
But I’m still open to you.
And I know there are things I’ve done and said to make the pathway unclear
But I scream it from my heart on the streets of protest
And It pours from my eyes when I pray
I dream of black back babies and happily ever afters
ONLY You make those dreams a reality
I’m STILL open to you
You fulfill my creation role of alchemist
You are the matter I need to help meet
But I can’t help meet if I don’t matter
So I consistently find myself asking
What am I lacking
Am I not enough
Am I too much
Is my existence to harsh a reminder of who you are
Why don’t you love me?
Love, Jenise La Vonne
