Now I know you’re probably thinking, Jenise you were destined to be a first lady. My personal truth is that my husband is only the second saved/church man I’ve dated. For a short period in my life my confidence in the brothers at church was so low that I convinced myself that I’d rather marry a professional athlete and just pray him into the kingdom. I know that sounds silly but being the daughter of a bishop gave me a very different outlook on church and especially dating. My standards for men of God were high because my father set an awesome example, so settling for a man that was too afraid to even say the grace over a meal in a restaurant was completely out of the question. At the same time, since birth I have witnessed my father and mother sacrifice their lives for the work of the Lord and the responses of God’s sometimes insensitive, selfish, rude, disrespectful, ungrateful children that my parents lead and served in church. I don’t think people fully understand the level of selflessness it takes to be a preacher (particularly a pastor) and the amount of weight and pressure his family endures. Needless to say, I was not storming heaven for God to send me a preacher. For clarity sake, the number one requirement for my husband was for him to be saved, saved and to love Jesus more than he loves me. I was not running from marrying a preacher BUT I was also not begging God for one either.
Alas, here I am the wife of a preacher. I must say that I am deeply happy and grateful for the man God chose for me. I’ve spoken to many people who have said to me they knew I’d be a first lady and that I fit the position well. Now although I grew up the daughter of a bishop I will admit that I had a few nerves and butterflies swarming about in in my tummy as it began to sink in that being the daughter of a preacher and a wife of one are two vastly different positions. So, I did what any woman in my position would do and I consulted another preacher’s wife who thankfully is also my mother.
Growing up in church I’ve watched as many preachers go through the ranks in ministry from unordained minister to apostle and consequently, I’ve watched their wives go from Sister Such and Such to the coveted position of First Lady. For some reason the ascension of leadership responsibility among the women came off more like a popularity contest and a club of churchy mean girls that doesn’t allow the “regular women” to sit with them on the first and second pews. However, the example of preacher’s wife that my mother showed was very different often making her an outcast among other first ladies. I’ve never seen my mother hesitate to stop and socialize with everyday saint, share a laugh with the Mothers in Zion or keep it real with the young people. She is not fond of assigned seating or adjutants catering to her like a doll baby. My mother gets down with the rest of us helping to clean, cook, pray with a soul or even serve families in bereavement. Watching her for the past 32 years gave me great confidence that if anyone knew what it takes to be a first lady, she would. So, I asked her,
“I am marrying an ordained Elder Mom. What do I do?”
Her advice was to the point and so surprisingly practical it almost felt too easy.
My mother advised me that more than anything in the world, my husband needed me to be his WIFE.
The size of my hat, if I wore a hat at all, or the seat I sat in during service did not matter at all. After the service is over, after he’d prayed for, preached to and presided over all of the church/ministry things what my husband needed the most from me was to be the loving, fun, creative, inspiring, praying woman that he chose to marry.
As my husband and I work in ministry together praying, fasting, and program planning I see that what my mother shared with me is so true. When it’s just us, responsibility aside, what he needs and wants most is the woman he married. I am not pressured to fit into a man-made mold of what a first lady is, but rather I see that being a first lady is all about serving alongside your husband as the first representation of what the women of God should be like in your local church, representing your husband and ultimately your God.
I praise God for my mother and her 36 (plus) years of experience of working alongside my father in ministry. I pray that as I continue in ministry with my husband that I make God proud as I yield to my position of help meet to His man servant.
Great article. I agree with your mother. The role of a pastor’s wife is to emulate Christ and not allow people to put you on a pedestal that can only lead to pride and losing sight of who you are in Christ. This will ultimately water down your witness. Keep focusing on being a light in the Kingdom.
May God continue to bless and grow you up in the Kingdom. I will like Paul remember you in my prayers
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Thank you so much for reading. It can be difficult balancing the responsibility of ministry leadership and marriage but God has gone ahead of us showing us how to follow peace with all men through holiness. I am so grateful for my mother and her wisdom. I’ll be sharing more. Thanks again and I will keep you in my prayers as well.
Jenise great article, I am so happy and proud to be your mom. Just reading these words help me so much , my heart is overwhelmed right now…My hearts desire it to be the woman of God he called me to be, and you are a living example of my prayers being answered.. Keep living and loving Jesus with your awesome husband! One proud Mom – Mother -in – Law.
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Aww Mommy!! You are THE BEST and your advice is worth MONEY! Don’t ever doubt yourself because you are GOLD! I love you.
Jenise, you WILL be an awesome First Lady! Continue to let the Lord lead and guide you in all you do. I, like your mother, did not and will not conform to what others think we should be. I am not and will not be part of that “click”. Your mother is a wonderful example of how a woman of God should conduct themselves.
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Thank you so much Sis. Val. It’s sad that being the wife of a preacher is synonymous with such negativity. I look at it as an honor to serve God’s people alongside my husband. God really blessed me with a mother to show me the way. Please continue to be uniquely you. Young women need to see themselves and relate to feel comfortable to reach out and learn from you. Love you. Xo
This was so Awesome to read! I appreciate your honesty. I could remember when I did not even want to marry a preacher because of the weight I witnessed throughout my life of what my parents endured because of the ministry. I would say, oh no God just give me a regular Man. And brother that’s saved in the church and I’m good lol. But God had other plans. Someone had to tell me how I was destined and groomed to be a preachers wife. I fine no mistake in that. My mother who has also been a wonderful example to me as a preachers wife. So I also say to you, you were groomed for this and it fits you so well. There are not many women that are sticking to what we’ve been brought up on from our forefathers. Thankfully for our parents who have truly held on to teach us and now look at us! God gets all the Glory!!
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Thank you Vicky! God is so faithful in how He prepares us for what is coming down the line in our lives. He truly prepared both of us by giving us parents to show us the way. I am so grateful for them and super proud of the woman, first lady, and now mommy you have become. Continue to shine the light of Christ as you honor God by serving along side your husband. Love you Xo.
Jenise so proud of you. I enjoyed reading your article and being real and transparent. Your mother gave you good advice. Your first role is to be his wife. I would say speak to the king in him everyday. I love serving in ministry along with my husband. It is a blessing to have the opportunity to be leader and example to others. Continue to live your life with your husband on purpose. The will of God is a safe place. May God continue to be with you. God bless!
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Awww!! Thank you so much mother. I have admired the way you work alongside Bishop for years. You are also such a phenomenal example of a hard working, humble and giving woman of God! I love your advice on speaking to the king in him! I will definitely be applying that as well. Thank you again and continue to keep me and my husband in prayer!