I ran into a family member recently that asked me “Are you still blogging? I looked forward to reading your blogs, but I see you haven’t been writing them lately.” That hit me like a ton of bricks because I had NO CLUE that she was even reading.
Can I be honest for a minute? For YEARS I was fearful of my own voice. I felt undesirable because my opinion and thoughts have always been so strong, and I have always shared them with deep conviction. I learned early on that my love for truth and fearlessness to share it was NOT the thing that made people crave your presence. While I have lived with the constant need to share, I’ve primarily done so with hesitation.
Having my family member ask about why I haven’t blogged in a while brought up the fact that I still live with a little bit of that uncertainty and hesitation. Now to be clear, part of my break from blogging was truly necessary. 2020 punched us all in the face with a global pandemic, changing our way of life indefinitely. I needed some time to grab hold of my wig and figure out how to navigate this new way of life. On top of the pandemic, I am still in the first few years of my marriage, which if I am still being honest, adjusting to can be a serious undertaking in and of itself.
I needed time.
Thank you all for allowing me that time and even for the space to recognize the lies the enemy has been telling me for so many years… “You are too much. Your voice is too loud. Your opinion is too strong.”
I’m not sure exactly when the Lord first brought this mindset I’d nursed for too long to my attention, but it was right before we welcomed 2021 and sighed a sigh of relief for making it over. The power the lies within my voice, my opinion, and my boldness to speak truth to power is not a curse but indeed a beautiful blessing. Whether it be on the topics of marriage, life, black culture or even ministry, He let me know that my opinion and voice is needed.
The fear of my voice was not simply in how or if I will be received, but also in managing my passion. I can actually be a lot at times, but that’s because I really mean what I say, and say what I mean. For someone like me feeling ignored or rejected is torture. Not being heard with so much to say is murder to a passionate soul. The trick of the enemy is to tell people like me that no one is listening and or no one cares. The truth is someone is ALWAYS listening; whether they comment or make themselves visibly known or not, THEY ARE LISTENING. It’s my job to manage my passion with the assurance that if God gave it to me to say, rest assured that whoever needs to hear it (or read it) will get it.
I’ve started and stopped blogging MANY times… but I ALWAYS come back, and I always will.
Every now and then I may need a little time to collect and organize my thoughts, but the Lord has given me things to say and I am determined to do so with precision.
Do not allow the enemy to talk you out of the very thing God has called you to. You never know who is listening and who is being blessed by it. Because someone is ALWAYS listening.
Thank you, cousin, for the gentle reminder.
Book recommendation for combating the lies of the enemy: Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
